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I hate it when I buy organic veggies but when I get them home I find out they are regular frosted donuts...
Some of the nicest women you`ll meet on Facebook are men.
I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig ? The letter F ?
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, I’m going back to bed.
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
Coffee keeps me busy until it`s time to be drunk.
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.
At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
Sorry I wore tear-away pants to your wedding. In my defense I really thought I had on underwear.
Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.