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That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
There are 3 levels of pain. 1. Pain 2. Excruciating pain 3. Stepping on a Lego
Social Media Awkwardness: When people "like" a relationship status of being single by your ex instead of yours.
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
If I haven’t embarrassed myself in front of you… don’t worry, it’ll happen.
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.