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Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
My internet goes out more than I do.
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
The key to my heart is shaped like a bottle opener.
I hate when a website has a picture that you can click and enlarge. Then the "enlarged picture" is the same exact size as the thumbnail!
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a normal pigeon.
How much tequila goes into mashed potatoes again?
The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn`t seem to be having the desired affect.
Smelling another person should be a choice.