Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Remember the days when water was free and you had to pay for porn?
Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
To drink, or not to drink?...what a stupid question!
I fell off the wagon because I was too drunk to keep my balance
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
I love it when the person’s laugh is funnier than the actual joke.
I`ve been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn`t cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
I`m certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying...
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
Christmas is truly a magical time. It`s made all my money disappear!
I only drink coffee because cocaine is too expensive.
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes