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McDonald`s should have a 3rd window, where you can trade in all the wrong sh!t they gave you at the second window.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I`ve ever made.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" - 17th century sext
Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren`t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive.
Raising teenagers is easy, they sleep 16 hours day, eat the other 8, and the only word in their vocab is "ok"
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
Iād go to the gym but Iām still tinkering with the ultimate workout playlist I started three years ago.
I`d like to give a shoutout to all the people who are going through an identity crisis, you know who you are... I think.
Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don`t apply the brakes
Just spent 20 minutes on the treadmill without breaking into a sweat......tomorrow I might even switch it on!
I really like ceilings,.. I guess you could call me a ceiling fan.
I hate people who take drugs......like the police.
I just heard "Eye of the Tiger" and now I`m motivated to conquer the world. Or at least get out of my pajamas.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a dictionary, and now I`m impecunious.
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.