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Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
I`m not shy. I`m just being quiet because I know that if I open my mouth to speak, a flow of never- ceasing, insulting comment directed at you will immediately spew from within me.
Aren`t you too fat to be this rude?
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you`re trying to escape?
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
Good morning my friends ... Wait a minute ... What the f*ck am I doing up this early.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
Adam Levine beating me out for sexiest man contest is complete bullsh*t.