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Going back to work after 12 days off is the best way to realize I should have married for money.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.
Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
I`m so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
I flunked anger management class.
I`m jealous of my parents, I`ll never have kids as cool as theirs.
Despite what people may tell you, its the fat that makes you look fat... NOT the dress!! lol
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
I don´t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
I like to say my kid handles funds for a multi-billion dollar corporation. It`s easier than saying he is a cashier at McDonald`s
Im convinced that one day we will all live in the future.
10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.