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I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
It’s not that I don’t care what you’re saying; I was just thinking about food.
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
You call them “cuss words.” I choose to call them “sentence enhancers.”
Last night I got drunk and ate 3 tennis balls by mistake, f*ck you Pringle`s.
Not having any friends means I`m always the pretty one.
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
I named my dog "5 Miles" so I can tell people, "I walk 5 Miles every day"
Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn`t even have a cape.
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
Why can`t someone look at me the same way I look at pizza?
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?