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My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
Every day at work I wonder if this is going to be the day I accidentally scream "SHUT THE F*CK UP` out loud instead of just in my head.
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
I`m pretty sure apple kid below needs help..
My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night.
Heat causes things to expand, so I`m not fat; I`m just hot.
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
People say 60 is the new 40 but the cop who just pulled me over doesn`t agree.
I bought 2 fish and named one, “one” and the other “two”, so when “one” dies I will still have “two”.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...