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PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
When I arrive at work, how long can I spend screaming in my car before it becomes weird?
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
Not to brag, but they know me by name at the liquor store and the police station.
If you`ve lost your appetite today, I think I have it.
My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded.
Dating these days must be so hard, because how do you know somebody loves you if they don’t make you a mix tape?
Fun: text a friend "Are you alone right now?" They go "Yes." Then u text back LOL
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
One day I hope the bravery of the people who initiate clapping is recognized.