Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I saved someone`s life today. Well, I resisted the urge to strangle the life out of some idiot. That`s the same thing, right?
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
The final stage of adulthood is when you start saying, "Oooh, that breeze feels nice."
That`s not how I met your mother.
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
My wife complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
Why is it that people who can eat really spicy food think the rest of us give a sh!t?
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days..
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
I don`t make a very good first impression, but if you hang around, my forty-third one is pretty cool.
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.
Sometimes I think hip hop music gets a bad rap.
If I`m your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.