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There really isn`t much difference between being a kid and being an adult. I was just as emotionally crippled upon learning the truth about Penthouse Letters as I was about Santa Claus.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
I`m at my most badass when I`m popping a wheelie with a shopping cart.
I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules.
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
Cops never say “thanks for committing crimes and keeping us employed”. It’s just plain selfish.
I love giving orders. My favorite is "Another one. And make it a double."
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative
To any ex-military that live on my street I apologize for whatever messages we may be sending, 2yo has discovered light switches
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers