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There is nothing sadder than waking and turning to see the love of your life`s face to find she has deflated in the night.
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
Normal people scare me ... But not as much as I scare them. :)
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
It’s not you. It’s me finally realizing that you’re terrible.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked where I see myself in a few years.
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.
Bad decisions make good stories.