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Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away
I don`t like the term "stalker". I prefer "unpaid private investigator".
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
I’m always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose beer.
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
If I didn`t drink, then how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll
I’m trisexual, as in, I’ll try to have sex with you.