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I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
So,do people in England speaks American now that people in America speaks English?
If they really want to increase breast awareness, why not try a National Motorboat Day?
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
His idea of cleanliness is sweeping the room with a glance.
If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you.
There`s no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you`re blowing up a rubber glove.
Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "Did he really just say that?"
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
Home is where a man hangs his hat. Unless that man is wearing a sun visor. Then he probably dosent have a home or friends..
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
Hey NSA... I accidentally deleted an email... Can I get you to forward me your copy?
I`m smiling ... You should be scared.
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.