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I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
Today is the 1st anniversary of the end of the world. Can you believe it`s been a year since the world ended? Time sure flies when it`s the apocalypse.
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it
So much to do and so few alibis.
Don’t get me wrong. I totally hear what you’re saying…I just don’t care.
They used to be called "jumpolines" until you jumped on one...
Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 138,000 Boxes Florida: 129,000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes
auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.
If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.
If i had a dollar for everytime i was thinking about you, i would start thinking about you.
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?