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Setting my coffee maker to `stun`
Of course I’ll buy a polished rock made into a necklace. I’m on vacation, aren’t I?
Maybe my goal was to be a 35 year old loser on the Internet ... You don`t know.
Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
Today I am thankful for dirty text messages, stripclubs, and Jack Daniels
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
What`s the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
Oh cool! ... I really do not care.
Hey whiny kids with iPhones: when I was your age, I played with a stick.
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
There`s nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow because I`m still looking for ideas
I never want to go to sleep less than I do at bed time.
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
Anyone know how much snow is too much snow not to go to the liquor store?