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Nothing says you`re ugly like Facebook asking, "are you sure you want to make this your profile picture ?"
Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps.
I have off-road rage, too
Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I`m part of the other 5%.
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned it’s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!
I woke up feeling strange this morning...I felt Rested and Relaxed so I immediately Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a `Sleep in` Apparently it`s not harmful but may be addictive. . .
People in Detroit call Grand Theft Auto V "Tuesday"
My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.