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Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
One day when I was at the beach there was a guy in the ocean yelling, "Shark! Help!" And I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn`t going to help him.
And that`s when I realized, it wasn`t the hamburger who needed help, it was me
I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
I just sprayed Citrus Fabreeze in my bathroom... Now it smells like Sh*trus
Who named them veterinarians and not "dogtors"?
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
Why is it that people who can eat really spicy food think the rest of us give a sh!t?
Wind chimes? I can`t see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what`d be nice? Noise.
The difference between your house smelling like delicious popcorn or burnt a$$ is around 24 seconds ..
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
I cringe when teens brag about taking girls to pound town because adopting a puppy together is a huge responsibility.