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Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
Some of the nicest women you`ll meet on Facebook are men.
Do you want to know Victoria`s Secret? Their lingerie doesn`t look the same on your girlfriend as it does on their models..
One day, I will solve my problems with maturity. Today, however, it will be with alcohol.
Are you tired of every day being the same? Congratulations, you’re an adult!
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
I thought I was on the cash cab show! But turns out I was in a police car and cops hate trivia.
I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.