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Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
For a minute there, I thought I had just wasted 60 seconds...
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.
2017 didn`t need that extra hour back.
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in
Never believe a person who claims is telling the truth while holding a pack of beers in both their hands
Don`t play dumb with me. That`s a game you can`t win.
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
I feel like I have not told enough people lately to kiss my mother f*cking a$$.
I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.