Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Flat screens are nice and all, but they`ll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
Wow.. I didn`t know spandex could hold that much.
I passed a homeless guy who asked "Any change!?" I said "Nope, your still dirty and homeless". We laughed and laughed and then he stabbed me
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
I removed my windshield wipers and now I don`t get parking tickets. Suck it meter maids!
The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog`s poop.
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
am updating my status just to let you know my status has no status
One square left on the toilet roll and no extras in the cupboard. Well played, honey. Well played.
If you`re stuck in the wild, rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a pizza.
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
I never run with scissors. (those last two words were unnecessary.)
I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.