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Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons.
I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear….. I’m just fat.
Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
I`ve been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat.
It`s a beautiful day. I think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well...my phone number for a start
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.