Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with “So this one time I was eating a salad….”
I`ve probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders... * How I learned this rule is not important.
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.
Please ignore this status, I am standing alone and I don`t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus
You never truly appreciate Newton’s laws of motion until you’ve sneezed while going to the bathroom.
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.