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Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
I`m at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn`t have to get up to pee.
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
Just read an article about a new species of spider in Sri Lanka that is the size of an average human`s face. In an unrelated matter, I have decided to NEVER visit Sri Lanka.
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a normal pigeon.
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
You can only push me so far before I breakdance.
There are only 53 days until Christmas... just a heads-up in case you haven`t shopped for me yet.
If I`m your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.