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Everyone around me keeps telling me I`m mean ... Which is absurd ... Plus, they`re ugly.
PRO TIP: You can use crunchy food to block out conversations of people you hate.
I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day … but then I realized it was a mirror.
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
If history repeats itself then I am SO getting a dinosaur.
How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she`s the one.
I`d go to church if they had Wi-Fi.
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".
For the life of me, I can’t understand why small and medium pizzas exist.
The older I get the better I used to be.
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?