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My Therapist told me not to drink while I`m on my Meds but little does she know...I`ve been off my Meds for almost a week now!
It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
My gift horse is facing the wrong way
My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.
I`m only 30 lbs away from my New Year`s resolution to lose 20 lbs!!
Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
MIDDLE EAST: How can we stop ISIS? EUROPE: How can we save our economy? AMERICA: What color is this dress?!
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.
If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you`re buying me drinks until you do.