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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
I hate hanging out with MC Hammer, he never let`s me touch anything.
Lying in bed, listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges...
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
My resolution for the New Year is to find more situations where it`s acceptable to wear a bathrobe out in public
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
A hypnotist is just someone that tries to roofie you with jazz hands.
I need to start eating more healthy, but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it’s not there to tempt me anymore.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,…Why don’t you ever smile in my pictures?
Sometimes I ask myself why do I stay up so late? Then I tell myself it`s none of my damn business.