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I`ve had frozen pizza and delivery pizza in the same day, b!tch you don`t know me.
I don`t eat a high fiber diet to be healthier, I eat so I`ll have to $hit more at work.
My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
If puppies could talk I would never even want to try and make human friends ever again.
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
Relationship status: If I slam on my brakes really hard... The seatbelt hugs me back.
Did Humpty Dumpty sue them motherf*ckers for making that wall so high?
It turns out that playing strip solitaire isn`t nearly as much fun as playing strip poker. Especially at work...
I`m not worried about the zombie apocalypse that is coming. I`m worried about the fcuktard apocalypse that is here right now.
Spent 40 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn`t.
She texted me: "Your adorable.". I replied: "No, you`re adorable." Now she thinks I like her. All I did was point out her typo!
Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to pee.
I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.
Sorry I hung up on you, I didn`t mean to answer the call.