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I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
Pro tip: The kids run around a little longer if you forget to hide the eggs
Someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. It`s like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!