Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
you know....I must be drop dead sexy because....cashiers are always checking me out….
A simple "good morning beautiful" text could make any girl smile for the whole day. ..but knocking on the bathroom window first to ask her number sort of ruins it for some reason.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not nearly as funny when you live by yourself.
I hate people that take drugs, specially U.S. Customs and the D.E.A.
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
Your so vain...you probably think this post is about you
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
I was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself “Enough is enough, that’s plenty of awesome for one day”
I wish my bladder had a snooze button.
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
I was standing in front of the mirror eariler, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over