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if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
The fox says you need to stop.
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
Just found out I`m pregnant. At least that`s what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
I am surprised Cheech and Chong have not filmed a new movie -"Cheech and Chong Smoke Colorado"
I hope my last words aren’t “What does this thing do?”
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
If you ever feel like a failure, just know that somewhere in the world, someone just lost their straw inside a Capri Sun.
Don`t expect me not to hopscotch all over your house if you have fancy tiles.
Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage?
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.