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I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark
If you have a tattoo on your face, you`ve lost the right to ask me what I`m looking at.
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
You seem like a sweat person. Mind if I lick you to find out?
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
Don`t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain`t.
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor”
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch