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I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of a plane
My 14 year old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So I`m wearing hers because good moms listen.
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn`t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It`s causing quite a stir...
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
Lame! I was tricked into watching PS, I Love You! It`s definitely NOT about a guy that marries his PlayStation.
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
No one should be surprised that so many statuses are about unhappiness and failure. You don’t end up on Facebook by making good life decisions.
Reincarnation is my only hope.