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I smile when I`m having dirty thoughts :)
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
My internet went down for about 5 minutes earlier....so I talked to my family.....they seem like nice people!
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
When I say “wow, that’s crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.
Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your sh!t in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
If you find a four-leaf clover it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.