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great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.
Saying “sounds good” is probably the nicest way to abruptly end a conversation.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don’t be mad, I’ll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.
If you read the instructions carefully, the first step to making any microwavable lunch is to throw away the box and dig it out of the trash.
For men who think.."A women`s place is in the kitchen," Just remember, that`s where the Knives are kept!
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
what happends when chemists pass away...We Barium.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw
Why do they call it "Jew-ish"? Are they not Jew enough?