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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
i joined new gym yesterday. i did 3 sets of selfies on each machine
New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!