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I just can`t help it ... Sarcastic bitch is built-in.
You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.
Making a woman laugh is one of the keys to winning her heart, unless she’s laughing at your junk.
"Dancing with the Stars" is being canceled, but tune in to a new reality show by the same creators called, "Athletes do your Taxes."
My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
I`m not fat, God gave me built in airbags because I`m so precious.
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn`t have toilet paper with aloe.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
My boss was all, "Do you know why I called you to the office, " and I was like, "I dunno is there a hidden security camera in the bathroom."
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.
Is there really a need for constipation medicines and stool softeners in a world where burritos and tacos exist?