Daily Silly Status

DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.

How ignorant do I have to be before I start experiencing bliss?

I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.

Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.

Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.

I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.

I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.

I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.

Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.

We can land a rover on an asteroid, but they can`t make a can of shaving cream that doesn`t spill 1/10th of it`s contents after every use.

The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.

Girls are supposed to dance. That`s why god gave them parts that jiggle.

I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.

My Son: The marriage vows say "tell death do us part", so we are not married in heaven ? Me: That`s right son, cause if we were still married, we`d be in hell.