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I`m getting all dressed up. Have a feeling I might be on COPS tonight.
Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people`s funerals.
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
Ya know what I really hate about mornings? People start talking to me!
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze.
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.