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How easily you’re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately.
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
The awkward moment when someone deletes their comment on facebook and you look like you’re talking to yourself.