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It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn`t be called nachos.
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
Saying I have a drinking problem is like saying Bruce Lee had a kung fu problem, it`s not a problem if you`re good at it.
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
I could really go for a vegetable sandwich! Maybe some tomatoes, some spinach, cucumbers... With cheese. And a hamburger patty. And bacon. Ok I really want a bacon cheeseburger.
True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.