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Nothing like responsibility to ruin a perfectly good day.
I don’t understand how my house gets so messy when I literally sit in one spot with my phone all day.
...you ever ponder why that page was intentionally left blank?
I`ve been told that I never take responsibility for anything, and it`s all your fault.
I would rather have a bad day of fishing then a good day of work.
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
LSD makes users lose weight` That makes sense, it`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.
Just once, I`d like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!
It`s not "you`re" or "your". It`s mine. It`s all mine, everything is mine!