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I only say “bless you” twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you’re a demon who must be destroyed.
2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
If you`ve never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C
My co workers put cookies on my desk, like they`re leaving a sacrifice for an angry god.
Having a bit of a lazy day! I`m sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
I Like this quote. I dislike this quote. I am so clever that sometimes I don´t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Guys, if you buy ANY woman clothing, & you don’t get her a size S with a gift receipt, you’re an a$$hole.
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes.
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading