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Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
The brain is like the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I`m like HOLY CRAP I`M OUTSIDE.
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
why does a round pizza comes in a square box?
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
For Sale. Old batteries, free of charge.
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can`t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
3 wishes for when I find a genie: 1. The more I eat the skinnier I get 2. One kid grows up to be a pharmacist 3. Other kid owns a winery
When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should’ve listened the first time.
Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
I can`t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that`s a relief.
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"