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"You know, I wish I`d never gone to the pool that day." ~Marco Polo
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
If your job title is head receiver, you know you`re doing something right.
The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family.
What`s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
I applied for a government job today and accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favor.
I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
It`s amazing how I come up with my best status updates when I`m in the shower or when I`m driving. I think it has a lot to do with me being naked.
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
There are people on Facebook who don`t realize the difference between "What`s on your mind" or "I should talk to a therapist about this"
People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?