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Nothing changes a Facebook relationship status faster than a weekend full of tagged photos!
The number one key to a successful marriage is alcoholism.
Dear facebook, please quit asking me what`s on my mind. Eventually I`m going to get in trouble if I keep telling you.
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
Why do they have “limited edition” scented candles? Are there crazy people collecting these things?
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?
Spring cleaning: The term that gives us an excuse to only clean once a year.
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
We`re all just nudists in disguise...
Good neighbors do not put password on their wi-fi.
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
when in Rome get naked ;)
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.