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Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
Call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!
I`ve been building my own particle accelerator. Plan to create a boson particle. Explore the mysteries.....you know what? This is a lot of work. Think I`m just going to have a beer and play Call of Duty.
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
Be good to your nieces and nephews. One day you`ll need them to smuggle alcohol into your nursing home.
So, when people say "LOLZ", does that mean they laughed themselves to sleep?
There are people in life you could NEVER get tired of hitting with a shovel!!!
Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.