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I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
I am the bestest at the English language...
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn`t even come close to my 10 year old`s reaction when I told him that there`s no school today.
I really would like to take a yoga class. But I really can`t trust my farts.
Why is it when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a deserted island?" , no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
My new year`s resolution is to stop making new year`s resolutions.
This silly farmers market doesn`t have any locally grown pizza.
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
The best part of my divorce was how I woke up and I hadn`t done anything wrong
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.
Sneezing when you pee is only recommended when you`re in a public toilet.