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Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
The roof of my mouth just healed from that Hot Pocket I had in 2003.
Just took an inventory of my body and it appears to be overstocked in all the wrong places.
I pretend to like people everyday. It`s called being an adult. That`s why we`re allowed to buy booze.
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it`s the duct tape of food.
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
Let`s face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.
I’ve decided to get rid of my bad habits…just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
CANT TOUCH THIS!! Na na na na.
Any machine is a smoke machine if you just use it wrong enough!
First thing I do when I realize I’m lost…turn the radio down.
My favorite beer is the 15th one.
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone