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Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
Pro tip: The kids run around a little longer if you forget to hide the eggs
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
Dear middle finger, Thank you for sticking up for me.
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
WHEW! I just had a near-work experience.
Good morning my friends ... Wait a minute ... What the f*ck am I doing up this early.
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
The more I get to know you, the more I`m convinced that you are the sole inspiration behind many medications.
The first 30 years of childhood are always the hardest.
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...