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Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler`s Anonymous?
If I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
I always honk when I drive by homeless guys sleeping, just in case they overslept for a meeting
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
Good thing Jan Brady`s older sister wasn`t named Beetlejuice
How long do I microwave this 14 lb turkey?
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they say "to boldly go where no one has gone before", when they get there, they always meet someone?
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
Life is so hard when you have twenty TV shows to watch.
The best thing about having male genitals is sharing it with people who don`t.
I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.
Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.
I really would love to see two mimes arguing