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some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
Facebook is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn`t it?
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as "that weird thing I did for a while."
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
Iām sad when my food is over.
This salad tastes like I`m about done with my New Year`s Resolution.
Looking back, it was a good thing I was too wasted to fire up the chainsaw.
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can`t help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
Someone invited me to their dog`s birthday party on Saturday. What a freak! I am NOT coming to your dog`s birthday party! Besides, my cat is getting married that weekend!
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!