Daily Silly Status

I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a

I`m not fat, God gave me built in airbags because I`m so precious.

Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!

There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.

If your wife has 2 phones, save both numbers under one name : “Wife” Never save them as "Wife1" and “Wife2" ~ a husband from the hospital

Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.

Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...

My son asked what he should say if a bully said to give him his lunch money. I said tell him you left it on his moms nightstand.

I hate it when people like their own statuses * At this point you like your status for dramatic effect*

I`m pretty sure there`s a chip in my car that turns all traffic lights RED...

To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.

I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.

Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......

My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!

Another year has passed. I`ve just about given up on the Mayans.