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I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
Saw a billboard ad for potato chips that proudly claimed "There`s a lot of pride in every bag!" Hmmm...is "pride" another word for "air"?
I really like it when women check me out, they seem to be able to work the register a lot better than men.
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?
whoo hoo...I have new gutters. Please try and keep your mind out of them.
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
Turbo Tax might just be the worst video game I`ve ever played.
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
Darn right Iām good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
The best part of an argument is the make up sex...unless you`re fighting with your brother.