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There are no winners the day following a green beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.
I just watched a puppy do something really cute. It was like a real life YouTube video.
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
“FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!” – Mother Nature
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
Why do people say ``I saw it with my own eyes." Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
I’m not in denial, I’m just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)
Happiness comes from within. That`s why it always feels so good to fart.
When I say I can cook, I mean I can melt cheese on stuff.