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It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
“Knock him out.” – Mama
Boss: Where`s the progress report I asked u for. Me: I haven`t made any progress, that`s my report! - What I imagine it`d be like if I had a job
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
I`m gonna name my son Wussell so people think he has a speech impediment.
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.
i just opened a fortune cookie and it started with the word unfortuneatly
There`s actually a website designed to simulate what it`s like to be the sole survivor of a nuclear holocaust, it`s called MySpace.