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Doctor: Do you drink alcohol? Me: Why? What`ve you got?
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better
You know it´s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with.. "Are you sitting down?"
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
A lot of people don`t know this, but you can quietly like or dislike Obama.
Dr. Oz says having 1/2 hour of sex is equivalent to running 6 miles. I guess I`m going to the gym today.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.
You want me to smile? How can I smile when 28% of Americans aren`t getting enough fiber?
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas