Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
My new plan is to ignore my problems until they become hilarious stories.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
Sometimes I meow back at cats.
Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.
Happy "Another excuse to drink" Day!
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
The iPhone 5S: Because the NSA wants your thumbprint now too.
Found out the name of my neighbor`s cat. In other news, I now have free internet.
The three most terrifying words a woman can utter to a man are "notice anything different?"
I do my best proofreading after I hit `send`.
If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.
That moment of shame when an automatic door doesn`t open for you
I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.