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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
When I`m older, I`m going to buy one of those Volkswagen Bugs. Only because I have a excuse to hit my wife every time we go somewhere.
To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
They used to be called "jumpolines" until you jumped on one...
I hate to be one of those who post cliffhangers but...
If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you pee. My parents taught me not to pee on my hands in the first place.
I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me
When 12 year old girls call each other honey and sweet heart...