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Now that I`ve maxed out my 401k for the year, I`ll get a tattoo, said no one ever.
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
An apple a day will keep anyone away ... if thrown hard enough.
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I`ll be watching you. - Dog
I will resolve to spend less time on Facebook..............ok, got that one out of the way.....................
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.
Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.
MARRIAGE TIP: Don`t get fat.